I got away from updating this blog for a good chunk of the year. As such, this post is quite a few months overdue at this point. Or maybe not, since the delay has given me more time to explore and ponder this development.
Something that might surprise anyone who only met me after my family's 2,000 mile move across the country is that I used to be very much a "horse girl". I collected horse models, read every horse book in existence, and talked about pretty much nothing else. And, yes, I was obsessed with Breyer. Then came the Big Move. In the process, I was forced to leave behind every one of my horse-loving friends and make new friends with a very different breed of pre-teen. Like a lot of neurodivergent children, I was good at masking and adapting. I could be a social chameleon when I needed to. So, the horse interest was left behind and I learned to enjoy the things that were interesting to these new girls in my new home.
The funny thing is, I even had myself thoroughly convinced that I no longer loved horses. I've repeatedly referred to that part of my life as my "horse girl phase" and often laughed or cringed over how obsessed I used to be. I really thought it was a thing of the past.
Then June of this year rolled around.
While cleaning out some old boxes that had been left unopened for the last three or four moves, I stumbled upon a box of old childhood keepsakes. Inside were, among other things, the first Breyer model horse I received for my twelfth birthday. That sight brought on a tsunami-level wave of nostalgia and I found myself really diving deep into those memories playing on the floor with my model horses.
This accidentally triggered a whole domino effect. I visited the Breyer website just to see if they were still around and discovered that BreyerFest was happening in only a few weeks. I'd always dreamed of going as a kid, but the cost would have been impossible for either me or my family. Apparently they now offer an online version where you can watch videos of the panels and workshops, and livestream the arena shows, so I gave into a whim and purchased tickets.
The idea was to fulfill this childhood wish and also have the fun of revisiting an old hobby for a few days. That would be the end of it, though. Boy, was I wrong.
First of all, I just want to say that I had an absolute blast with the BreyerFest event. Even though doing it online lost some of the social aspect of it, I still loved all of the events and got a chance to hang out in web spaces with other people who were only attending online as well. I also bought a version of the ticket that came with a free "Stablemates" (1:28 scale) model. It's gorgeous. The model is currently sitting on my bedroom shelf as I type this, proudly watching over my Funko Pops and comic books.
But it didn't stop there. Instead of getting it out of my system, I found a brand new passion for the hobby ignited. Or maybe it's more fair to say that I've realized it never actually died in the first place. I don't think I every truly stopped loving horses — it was merely hiding away in a safe place until I was ready to let it out again. Not deleted, just resting in deep storage.
It's been fun, though. I love this feeling of revisiting and rediscovering an old passion. I've found some things I love every bit as much as I did when I was a child, and other aspects of the hobby no longer appeal to me. And, in a few areas, I've found brand new ways to appreciate it. I've started learning how to photograph model horses outdoors to look like real life horse scenes. I no longer play with models, but I do now understand the ins and outs of collecting them as a hobby, and have a new appreciation for the artistry that goes into some of them. I don't enjoy the horse books of my pre-teen years, but I have found adult books about wild horse conservation efforts and started to develop an interest in getting involved in that field.
It is truly wonderful how many new opportunities for discovery (and, importantly, for self-discovery) there are when we let ourselves revisit the past in a gentle and constructive way. As soon as I stopped shrugging off my "horse girl phase" as something to be embarassed about in hindsight, I found a whole new world of opportunities opened up for me.
We can really get so much more fulfillment out of life when we start allowing ourselves to embrace the cringe and accept joy with judgement.
Background Image by Annie Nyle